Suicide is painless for who?

The person? Their family? The nurses and doctors?

And what happens if you don't die you stupid motherfucker! Do you burden your kids with the task of finishing the job for you? What the FUCK!?

My dad committed suicide. Yesterday. No, he's not dead yet but he will be soon. I got to touch my dad's warm flesh one more time before he goes. At least he gave me that. I didn't have to touch him cold. Yet. In the next couple of days my brother and I will have to make the decision to take him off of the ventilator. I want to wait for my Aunt Joann to come home. I want to give her the chance to say goodbye.

He's not braindead. Right now he has brain stem activity. Meaning he is breathing a little on his own and has a little gag reflex. Other than that, nothing. I just watched a nurse rub my dad's cornea with a paper towel and his didn't even twitch. There's nothing there.

I am angry and sad and regretful. Everyone says not to blame myself but I do in a very small part.