Friday, February 09, 2007

I don't know what to say about my father. i am so mad. Not only at him but at myself. At everything. I am mad at life. i guess he was too. I am angry at him for stealing my boys' grandfather. I am mad at him for not giving me the chance to hear his voice again. I am just plain mad.

The books say that every person touched by this will feel guilty in some way. If only I had done that one thing. The truth is that nobody knew how sad my father was. For the past 20 years my father has struggled to get through the day. I cannot imagine the courage it took to get up and face each day living with that pain. I guess he just ran out of hope.

There are days when I hurt so badly that I do not want to live. But I have always resisted the temptation because I would not want to hurt my family.
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3 comments:

Domestic Goddess said...

Please keep resisting that urge. Now that you've experienced it from your father you know the pain that you'd cause your children, husband and friends. You are far too important in their lives.
I cannot imagine living with that chronic pain. It must have been all he could muster to get out of bed each day.

1:04 PM
Perky said...

I highly recommend the support group that one of our friend suggested. You will need help working through the pain your father has caused you and your family.

For your sake and your children's sake, reach out for any help that you need -- now and in the future. Help is there, if you're just willing to find it and accept it!

Learn from your father's mistake. Life shouldn't be so painful and you have so much to live for!

10:49 PM
Anonymous said...

Dani, its easy to feel the way you are. But PLEASE get help. And you know we are all here for you...

It will hurt--for a long long time ---call me anytime.

11:13 PM

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