Being strong and saying goodbye

It is 444am and I just got home from the hospital. As of now he is still alive. We expect him to become brain dead in the next day or so. At that point his organs will be harvested and then we will get his body and start funeral arrangements. We will most likely have a memorial service and wake all in The Bar. He lived there so he might as well die there too. Ray, the owner, has said The Bar is mine. I can do whatever I want, everything's free. The president of the Pagans has offered his help and services. I will have Pagan bikers acting as "bouncers" for the funeral and wake. That is a huge load off of my shoulders. I suppose I will have to run interfeaarnce between al of the girlfriends and wives. I am making sure Linda is honored as his wife. She was with him for the past 8 years and wears his ring. My mother agrees with this. There is a girlfriend as well who feels "special". I will be kind but I feel that Linda put up with him, she found him, she loved him, she is his wife. I don't know this girlfriend at all.

People are getting upset because I am not breaking down in front of them. They want me to show more emotion, they wnat me to be like them. i'm not that way. i am a private person. I need time and space to think. When i get here, when I was alone with Daddy I cried, I yelled. But as long as there is someone for me to be strong for I will be. They bred me for this and they get upset that i am who I am.