What I meant to say was that i have had those days. Remember when i had that bad patch with postpartum depression? I did seek help. i had a therapist this summer. i had to leave him in November because he wasn't taking me seriously. He had just downgraded my condition to mild depression when I was still feeling horribly depressed. He didn't get me. I am looking for a new therapist but I need a very specific doctor. I just haven't felt up to the legwork involved in finding a new shrink.
As for myself, I could not ever kill myself. I know the pain that it would cause my family. My goal in life is to reduce suffering not increase it. One of the ironies of this, and there are many, is that I always resisted suicide because i knew that if I did then my Dad would. I just couldn't be responsible for his death. Well, look. He went and did it without my help. There are a lot of things I have done, good and bad, to please my father. I have kept some major secrets from him to protect him.
Well, now that I don't have to worry about him I am going to face my main demon. Why can i now forgive my family? Is it because I no longer have anything to hide? I would have kept my secrets till my grave in order to spare him pain. He now never has to know what happened to me. That alone brings me peace.
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Good Morning Sweetheart! Glad you finished your thoughts and let us know the mad feeling isn't consuming you. When you are mad, I am sure you know it is OK to be mad. I remember my mom, who rarely got mad at my dad when alive, was roaring mad at him for a couple of months or so after her died in his 80's! It will pass. Your anger will be replaced by calmer emotions but for now get the mad out. I love you Dani. Your happiness is achievable and attainable because you don't have to live without Hope or without Healing.
How was the funeral? I hope that it brought some closure for you and your extended family. I was thinking about you!
How was the funeral? I hope that it brought some closure for you and your extended family. I was thinking about you!
Hang in there, Sweetie. We are here for you...
Hello. And Bye.
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