ok. so i finally saw the therapist tonight. He's pretty cool. He's got a lame eye like Mona. I don't know why that comforts me but it does. Maybe because I love Mona. Anyway, he agrees that I'm nuts and with good reason. of course not quite in those words. He says that he can help me with my PTSD but he is talking about endings before we've even begun. I need things to be slow. I need predictability. ack! I'm just looking for reasons to quit already. why do I sabotage myself? I told him some of the symptoms but how can I possibly get to it all in 1 hour.
I knew that I really needed help when i realized I couldn't remember the living room closet. I have holes inside of me. why can't I remember things? Maybe next week I'll get up the courage to talk to him about my fears of DID.
I want to disclose everything. I want all of the ugliness on the outside. I just can't get it all up.