dead people suck!

Ok, so one of my trademark Dani insensitive remarks is ,"Dead people suck, don't be a sucker!" I'm thinking of making a t-shirt. Really, they do though. I simply can't stand dead people. Dead babies, forget about it. Ugh! But you know what really, truly, without a doubt sucks? DYING people. They are even worse! And boy do I know. I have had more than my fair share. My brother was dying for 6 years. Death. I am at peace with it but it is just so damned messy. It just hurts. Everywhere and at such random moments.

Today is my brother's 27th birthday. It is his first without my Dad. First's suck. Tonight my stepmother called. All those years my Dad didn't think they had long distance. All those years he didn't even try to call. Tonight she thought it might be Timmo's birthday and she decided to just try. She didn't think the call would actually go through but she dialed anyway. It went through. Can you believe that? They have long distance. @#$@#! So she wished Timmo a Happy Birthday and then called me. I bought her a pair of earrings a few weeks after Dad died and mailed them to her. I never knew if she had received them or liked them. She says that she wears them 4 or 5 times a week. That they make her feel beautiful and loved. Hearing her voice makes me want to talk to Daddy. I just want to say where is he, put him on. I miss him.

responsibility

I am so freaking tired of people not taking any damned responsibility for themselves! I am into homebirth. But when you opt to have a homebirth you have to give up some things too. You have to give up the convenience of eating poorly, you can't rely on somebody else advice anymore. You are taking the responsibility on yourself. One of the reasons that homebirth is so safe is that the women who homebirth are more educated (about birth and in general) and are healthier. We live a healthier lifestyle. Now anybody who looks at me can see that I am fat. I am obviously not perfect. But I try my darnedest. I eat mostly veggies and protein. I am not out eating McDonald's every night. I could work out more but I digress. When I was pregnant I educated myself on what exactly I needed to eat in order to be the healthiest I could be. When my sugar looked funky I immediately cut out ALL sugar. I took my midwife's advice but I also did the research myself. I wasn't relying on her as my sole source of information. She was just one piece of the puzzle. She was one reference. I bought over 20 books. And read them over and over. I know more about birth than some OB's. Heck, who am I kidding, MOST. No I can't give a c-section or an episiotomy but I could deliver my own baby or yours if need be.

What really makes me mad are women who want to have it all. They want to be typical lazy Americans who don't eat well, exercise or follow doctor's orders but at the same time they want to have a homebirth. When you do that you are not just putting yourself at risk you are putting the entire institution of midwifery at risk. You are risking my next homebirth, and your midwife's career - not to mention her freedom. Either you take the responsibility on yourself or you submit to the doctor. You can't have it both ways.

Tuesdays wiht Morrie

Last night HunnyBunny and I stayed up till after 1am to watch Tuesdays with Morrie. We read the book about a year ago and it really touched HunnyBunny. Yea, it touched me too. But he read it first and I hadn't been even planning to pick it up for a while. He insisted that I read it. Right away! Dontcha just love Morrie? Dontcha want to just hug him? It make me think again about moving to be closer to HunnyBunny's Dad. We've already lost one grandfather and I would like my boys to know their other one. My family here is never going to change. They don't visit us now so what's going to change in the future. Maybe if we moved we would see more of them. Of course I'm not going to make that decision anymore. HunnyBunny has to decide if he wants to start over in a new job. I don't really care where we live. It would just be nice for the boys to know their Pappaw. He loves them so much and desperately wants us there. Can you believe we were supposed to move almost a year ago? Can you believe that HunnyBunny hasn't finished updating his resume yet?

Rotovirus sucks!

What a week we have had over here! On Sunday Piglet got a horrible stomach flu. Throw-up everywhere!!!! Then Monday night Monkey got it and a few hours later HunnyBunny. Tuesday night it finally caught up with me. Oh my goodness. That was not fun! I seemed to have the least of it. By Wednesday Piglet was better but I was at my worst. But guess who had to watch him anyway? Me. Why are men so damned useless sometimes. Ok. I know that isn't exactly fair. HunnyBunny had a huge startup for a project at work on Tuesday which he missed so he had to play catch-up. But damn it he could've put him in the sling and carried him. Or hired a nanny. Or I don't know. I just sure didn't feel like entertaining super-happy-baby, who doesn't watch T.V. by the way. Ugh! How exactly did I turn Monkey into a T.V. zombie? Oh that's right, HunnyBunny did.

Oh Boy! Am I ever bitchy today!

Last night I got my first period since May 2003. I have been pregnant or nursing since then. I still am but it decided to come back anyway. Fertility has returned. It is so weird for me to have a period. I mean seriosly we're talking 4 years now.

It's such a big thing for me but who do you tell? Should I email all of the Flyladies? The East Coast Mamas? Do I call HunnyBunny at work? Does anybody really give a shit? No not really. HunnyBunny's response was, "shudder". Thanks asshole. Way to make a girl feel sexy. I'm excited. I feel I just got my first cycle all over again. Except DAd isn't here to hand over a $20 and say, " Good Job!"