my short term goals

1. Commit to living in my house for the next 5 years
2. put $375 away every paycheck.
3. reduce use of electricity
4. start my own craft business
5. make a large portion of the family's clothing
6. make at least one sellable item per day
7. get up at dawn
8. go to bed at dusk
9. go to church more sundays than not
10. buy a car - by october
11. learn to drive
12. refinish floor
13. buy a stove
14. catch up on bills
15. get rid of that motherfucking car!!!!!!!
16. cash those checks
17. eliminate bug problem

more to come....

I hate people.

ok. so i finally saw the therapist tonight. He's pretty cool. He's got a lame eye like Mona. I don't know why that comforts me but it does. Maybe because I love Mona. Anyway, he agrees that I'm nuts and with good reason. of course not quite in those words. He says that he can help me with my PTSD but he is talking about endings before we've even begun. I need things to be slow. I need predictability. ack! I'm just looking for reasons to quit already. why do I sabotage myself? I told him some of the symptoms but how can I possibly get to it all in 1 hour.

I knew that I really needed help when i realized I couldn't remember the living room closet. I have holes inside of me. why can't I remember things? Maybe next week I'll get up the courage to talk to him about my fears of DID.

I want to disclose everything. I want all of the ugliness on the outside. I just can't get it all up.

What does it mean to be a homemaker today?

This was a thought that I ran across today. It is such an interesting question in this age. Not only do we have the ultra-feminazi anti-homemakers but there has also been a movement of women who want to be homemakers again.

I realized in high school that I wanted to be a housewife. Everybody thought I was kidding. I just attended my 10 year HS reunion 8 months pregnant and they believe me now. Hee hee.